Category: Blog

Workaholic? Long working hours? Many people struggle with long working hours and a lack of boundaries between work and home, especially when working from home is now widespread. Anecdotal evidence from interviews I’m conducting estimates that white-collar office workers are working 90 minutes to 2 hours longer per day while working from home.

Workaholism Meaning

Workaholism is different than working hard or working long hours. It is an addiction, a mental health issue like alcoholism and drug addiction. Psychologist Wayne E. Oates created the term “workaholic” in 1968 as someone with “an uncontrollable need to work incessantly.” Like an alcoholic, it’s the compulsion, you must, not because the excess is good or enjoyable. It isn’t the quantity of work, it’s about how you engage with your work and predominately your inability to disengage from it.

Workaholics – Common Indicators

Workaholism is typically long-term, it’s not related to a short-term burst as you strive for a promotion or deal with the initial crisis of a pandemic. The key indicator is the amount of head space, thought, energy and in some cases time you dedicate to work.

Some indicators are:

• Work late and/or take work home often and unnecessarily

• Checking messages at home, maybe even in the middle of the night

• Working or continually checking messages on holidays

• Time and relationships with others are compromised

• Lack of sleep or poor sleep

• You’re defined by your work

A notable ‘test’ for workaholism is The Bergen Work Addiction Scale. It was developed at the Faculty of Psychology, University of Bergen (UiB) in collaboration with Bergen Clinic Foundation and Nottingham Trent University and outlines 7 criteria for identifying work addiction. Score each criterion on the scale of: (1) Never, (2) Rarely, (3) Sometimes, (4) Often, and (5) Always:

• You think of how you can free up more time to work.

• You spend much more time working than initially intended.

• You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness and depression.

• You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them.

• You become stressed if you are prohibited from working.

• You deprioritise hobbies, leisure activities, and exercise because of your work.

• You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health.

Doctor Cecilie Schou Andreassen’s work at UiB shows that scoring «often» or «always» on at least four of the seven items may suggest that you are a workaholic.¹

Health Impact of Being a Workaholic

Research by Lieke ten Brummelhuis and Nancy P. Rothbard of 3,500 employees identified the differences between the behaviours of those who worked long hours and the mindset of workaholics and the effect on health. They also conducted medical checks on 763 of these employees to ascertain the health impact.

Among people who worked long hours this research found they suffered no adverse physical effects (of note, separate research shows continuous, stressful hours of prolonged work is harmful to cognitive ability especially in those over 40 years of age). Whereas, those who were workaholics, whether they worked long hours or not, had more health complaints and increased risk factors for cardiovascular disease and diabetes.²

5 Steps to Address Workaholism

Acknowledge you might have a problem. That’s the first step of any recovery programme. If those closest to you, especially if it’s multiple people, have commented on your work preoccupation consider that you might be workaholic. You can’t address what you don’t acknowledge.

Reflect on what might be the root of the problem. What might be the underlying reason(s)? One might be because you don’t feel good enough so you’re chasing ‘approval’ by achieving the next goal, doing the next task or being recognized for your ‘passion and commitment.’ Another might be perfectionism. Trying to live up to a self-imposed standard to prove you are competent or live up to an unrealistic expectation from a boss or society. Another could be to avoid other aspects of your life.

Imagine a balanced, successful life. The first step to any goal is knowing where you’re going. As an entrepreneur you have an idea and strive to bring that to life. You create. Do this with your own life. Imagine what a balanced, successful life looks like for you. What do you want people to say about you 50 years from now? What values, relationships and impact do you want to be known for? Once you have the vision, start working towards it.

Create boundaries. Success at work is impossible if you are tired and risk sickness and ill health. Put boundaries in place in terms of amount of time working and mental rejuvenation. Commit and schedule other activities that you can get lost in. What are your dormant passions? Learn mindfulness to be less obsessive about work thoughts and worries. Put reminders in your diary throughout the day to breath down to your belly, to walk around, to leave at a certain time.

Get support at work, from family, friends and professionals if needed. Professional help might be needed if you feel you are a workaholic, and/or you identified an underlying cause of the problem that isn’t healthy. Also, ask for support from friends, family and colleagues to disengage from work and be fully present with them and in other activities.

Manager of a Workaholic?

Whether you manage a workaholic or know someone who might be a workaholic, here are some ideas:

• Help the person find their intrinsic motivation for working that’s healthy. What makes the work meaningful? What enjoyment do they derive from work? As author, Simon Sinek, says great leaders inspire action by starting from the WHY, what’s the purpose? Leaders need to know why they get out of bed, and it usually isn’t to hit a target or make money.

• Point them to time management tools for greater efficiency and effectiveness.

• Foster a culture of appropriate boundaries, work/life balance and engagement as this will help everyone be productive, energized and creative.

• Communicate clearly about what’s acceptable and expected for after-hours communication and work.

• Show them this article.

To re-iterate, if you answered always or often on 4 of the Bergen Work Addiction criteria consult with a health professional to get support and a robust assessment. If you scored less and are struggling or want to create different working schedule get support.

What would improve with better boundaries at work?

Book a complimentary coaching session with me here to explore your working situation, boundaries, or those of people that work for you.

 

Endnotes
¹https://www.uib.no/en/news/36450/driven-work
²https://hbr.org/2018/03/how-being-a-workaholic-differs-from-working-long-hours-and-why-that-matters-for-your-health?registration=success

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“Say no to my boss? Really? I can’t say no to anyone, let alone my boss,” you say. Ok, maybe you can say no to some people, sometimes. But when it comes to our bosses many of us struggle. And the problem is worsening in lockdown. Working remotely means many of us are working later than normal, finding it harder to keep a clear boundary between work and home and virtual presenteeism a real issue. Some may also be feeling worried about possible redundancies at work, which can put extra pressure on you to say ‘yes’ to everything that’s asked of you.
Actually, it’s key to our performance at work to be able to say no when we’re too busy to fit in a task. If we’re overloaded, exhausted and fed up, as it affects the quality of our work.

Ask yourself – ‘What’s Behind the Yes?’

The first step is to figure out what’s behind saying yes, especially when you don’t have the time, energy or mental capacity to do it. You’re already busy between work, life and family commitments (forget about personal time). Remember the last time your boss asked you to add another piece of work, task or project to your towering to-do list? In that moment before responding, what were you thinking and feeling? Ask yourself: What was my motivation for saying yes? What were my fears of saying no?

If I was coaching you I’d stay on those questions a long time. The insights from your answers would allow you to potentially identify some limiting beliefs. In absence of interaction, the most common reasons I come across in working with my clients are: fear of rejection, fear of disappointing, being seen as not good enough, feeling manipulated, too timid, jeopardizing your job and/or wanting to please. Those thoughts are the worst reasons to say yes.

A caveat, if you are worried about your performance, reputation or likelihood of promotion then deal with that directly. Review your recent performance appraisals – what do they really say about your ability? Is your boss aware you want a promotion? If not, tell him/her – ‘promote yourself’. If you have too much work or are close to burnout, have a discussion with your boss about workload and expectations.

Identify your priorities

We can’t do everything we want all the time. There are only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. Step two is identifying your priorities. There’s always a balance between the number of priorities that are motivating and possible, versus burning out – prioritising is easy to say, harder to do. What are your work and life priorities? How much time do you want to spend at work to achieve the level of performance you want, given your priorities in the other areas in your life?
Write your priorities down. You need to be clear on what they are and how flexible you are about them. What are your boundaries? What’s acceptable to you and where do you draw the line? If you don’t know, you’ll have a hard time knowing when you’ve crossed them or when someone has tried to push them.

Say no, by saying yes

One approach is to say yes (to something else) – let me explain.

When you are ‘asked’ to do something there is the option of saying YES or NO. Very simple words and when talking about conscious choice and commitment they are very profound. Whenever you say YES to something, you are saying NO to something else. When you say YES to working late, you are saying NO to joining your family for dinner. Often, you would be saying NO to meeting the deadlines of your own projects, your family or your wellbeing. So rather than focusing on the NO and disappointing the person immediately in front of you, say YES to your conscious priorities. If you are only willing, or able, to say ‘I guess I can’ to something, say NO. The enthusiasm and boldness of your YES or NO should tell you something about how wholeheartedly you are committing to it or not. This prioritization approach allows you to say project A is my focus, so I can’t do project B. A discussion is then possible – about changing your priorities or giving you an extension. It shows your boss you can prioritize and are committed.

Tip – put your priorities in your calendar, all of them. Most colleagues can see each other’s calendars on-line, at least when they are booked and when they are ‘available’. Book your time with your priorities, including thinking time. Booking yourself is even more important now with working from home as some of the physical boundaries we used to have (like the commute, or workplace vs home space) are gone. This shows you what ‘free’ time you do have left over to take on more work.

Be assertive

Another approach focuses on assertiveness and is derived from Manuel Smith’s book, When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

1) Acknowledge the request: “I really understand how important that is to you/the business…” (or words to that effect).

2) Own the refusal—I won’t, I will not, I am not going to. The idea is to avoid saying can’t or unable as they imply lack of skill or ability, which is rarely the reason for saying no. Use a respectful tone. Assertiveness isn’t aggression.

3) Give a TRUTHFUL reason.

4) OPTIONAL: offer an alternative (a date in the future, another person to ask).

Example:

I fully understand why you want me to do that as I am best suited for that job
and I am not going to do it

I am at capacity.

(optional: Ask me earlier next time and we can prioritize accordingly.)

Saying NO at first will be hard for both you and your boss because you have conditioned your boss to the fact that you say YES. The more often in the past you have said YES, the more likely they will be expecting you to say YES again. But it gets easier – and more than likely your boss will respect you for your assertiveness and dedication to achieving the projects and task you are doing well.

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here for support in further developing your leadership. Where would saying ‘no’ more benefit you?

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Being empathetic or showing empathy is being mentioned by my coaching clients more and more lately. These leaders feel its importance has increased with new generations in the workforce, the focus on employee engagement and more so with the stresses and uncertainty of the pandemic. Research detailed below suggests they are right to make it a focus as 1 in 3 employees leave their organization for a more compassionate one.

Let’s start with some definitions because language does clarify.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position. It’s putting yourself in the shoes of another, to see and feel from their perspective, not yours. You don’t necessarily agree with what they are feeling or their predicament. It’s an emotional link between people. Empathy doesn’t require me to have experienced that emotion before. It can be used for both ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ emotions.

What is Compassion?

Compassion is a sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. It’s the idea that you can be with someone, and with their emotions while keeping your own emotional centre. A leader would do well to be compassionate with an employee they are firing, rather than empathetic. Being empathetic might cause you to be in their perspective and feelings so much that you engulfed in their fear or grief.

What is the Difference between Sympathy and Empathy

Sympathy is sharing the feelings with another, often with the expression of sorrow or pity for their troubles. There’s a sense of agreeing with the other’s misfortune and sharing it. Sympathy does require that you’ve felt that way yourself previously in order to share it. For example, we say we sympathize when we hear about a death, that means we connect to our own feelings of grief and loss and feel those feelings so can share how they are feeling.

Empathy and Emotional Intelligence at Work – The Business Case

Annual research by Businessolver shows the importance of empathy on employee engagement, productivity and retention and even more so for Gen Z.

In fact, they’ve found each of the last 5 years that they’ve being doing the survey that employees would sacrifice pay or work longer hours to work for an empathetic employer. In 2020, 74% of employees said they would work longer hours for an empathetic employer, and 80% said they would switch companies for equal pay if the employer were more empathetic.

Their research found that empathetic organizations were even more important to Gen Z with 83% of Gen Z employees saying they would choose an employer with a strong culture of empathy over an employer offering a slightly higher salary. 83% of Gen Z would consider leaving their current organization for a similar role at a more empathetic organization.¹

Furthermore, the research shows that CEOs overestimate how empathetic their organizations are versus how employees perceive it. Same for CEOs views of themselves: 5% of employees view CEOs in general as empathetic— representing a four-year low—versus 87% of CEOs.

What Makes Empathy at Work Difficult?

• It takes time, effort (emotionally and mentally) and is vulnerable as you have to name emotions of another person which might mean you are wrong.

• Different beliefs about the focus hence management prioritize what they believe vs their employees thereby losing the benefit. CEOs think empathy improves the bottom line, rather than the day-to-day work environment. Versus employees who think empathy creates a better workplace which increases their productivity and loyalty. CEOs and leaders miss the opportunities for empathy in the everyday which is what employees want.

• Different beliefs about who is responsible for building an empathetic culture, employees say their manager vs senior managers and HR having it as an initiative.

• We are not taught emotional literacy at school or work. At school we are taught reading, writing and numerical literacy not emotional. Many of my generation, the senior leaders today, weren’t taught about emotions at home.

• It can’t be measured.

• Empathetic people in an organization can be taken advantage of or be expected to “be the empathetic one” taking time and emotional energy.

Showing Empathy at Work

There’s a 3-part structure that’s helpful for conveying empathy as follows:

Acknowledge what the person is feeling – name the emotion

State what is making the person feel that way – seeing it from their perspective

Hypothesize why they might be feeling that way – give the person a sense or guess of why they might be feeling that way, be humble as you might not be correct

Here are some examples:

“I hear you are frustrated, Lisa, with your interactions with your colleague, Teo. I guess that’s because he’s not giving you the information you need in a timely manner.”

“I see that you are angry about the fact I’m not agreeing with you. I sense that’s because you wanted to just get on with it. “

“You sound really pleased that your recommendation got approved. I guess it’s because it’s your first one.”

Tips for Empathy

• Listen from their perspective, meaning you need to be silent to listen and sense their experience. Actively listen, take time, clear out your own thoughts, beliefs, opinions and listen to put your attention on the other.

• Ask questions. Don’t try and solve things initially (if at all), seek to understand the root cause of the other person’s thinking and feeling. Probe don’t interrogate. Clarify your understanding especially if the other person isn’t as clear as you want or need.

• Suspend your assumptions about the person, the topic or the situation. We assume multiple times a day, if not more. Assumptions are from our experience, they are probably not shared as everyone’s experience is different.

• Prioritize issues wisely, not first-come-first-serve. Giving priority to critical or more pressing issues shows people you understand.

• Give empathy to those who are empathetic, as they often carry a heavier load.

• Give people the benefit of the doubt if they are having a bad day or struggling. Don’t assume the worse in others especially if they make a mistake or are being difficult. More on this bias of attributing people’s mistakes to their character rather than external causes in a previous blog here.

• Be present. Smile at people. Remember their names and ideally those of their family. Turn off your notifications and distractions when you’re in conversation with them.

• Being empathetic doesn’t mean their issue becomes yours. In fact, you trying to solve it or make it better might make them feel they haven’t been heard or understood.

• Show your own vulnerability. Share some of your worries (those that are ‘acceptable’ given your role) and positive emotions too. Share a few acceptable personal things. This makes you more relatable.

The key to empathy is to see your colleagues as people with feelings. Those feelings can be because of work or what’s going on personally for them. Get to know people as individuals, it doesn’t mean you have to be friends rather it means showing some interest periodically beyond just the task at hand. This is not a quick fix, it will be a journey for you and the organization’s culture to compassion and empathy leading to greater loyalty and productivity.

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here for support in further developing your leadership. Where would being more empathetic and compassionate benefit you or your team?

Endnotes
¹https://f.hubspotusercontent40.net/hubfs/378546/Empathy-2020/2020%20State%20of%20Workplace%20Empathy%20Executive%20Summary/businessolver-2020-state-of-workplace-empathy-executive-summary.pdf

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Think asking for help is a weakness? Especially if you are a leader? Think about when someone asks you for help, you are usually flattered and feel valued for the contribution you can make. Others often feel the same way. Also, there are few Solo heroes – even Superman had support from Lois Lane. We as humans are social beings, interdependent within organizations and life.

When I was writing my book, Soft Skills HARD RESULTS, I had to ask for help often. I asked coaching clients’ permission to use their experiences as case studies (anonymously), asked target readers to give me feedback, and thought leaders and corporate leaders to endorse the book to name a few. Each time I did that my book was better and the people were grateful I reached out and chose them.

Few jobs or tasks can be done in isolation, organizational structures are complex, people are remote yet connected so there’s actually an inherent expectation in today’s organizations of working together in various forms.

Why is Asking for Help a Strength?

• Self-aware – asking for help shows you are self-aware by knowing when you need support or information you don’t have. You are not blind to your gaps in knowledge or behaviour.

• Resourceful – asking for help shows you can identify alternate resources to get the job done.

• Confident – asking for help shows you are confident enough in yourself and your ability to reach out to others. You can overcome any associated fear. You have humility – you recognize you don’t have all the answers.

• Results-oriented – asking for help demonstrates your commitment to getting the job done, to the best of your ability and actually beyond your ability as you involve others’ knowledge and abilities too.

What Stops Us from Asking?

Most of the barriers we have to doing something are self-imposed, few come from external sources and asking for help is no exception.

• Fear of rejection

• Worried about being seen as needy

• Thought of as incapable or incompetent

• Insecurity of not knowing, not being able to handle it on your own

• Personal shame/feeling you’re not good enough

• The issue didn’t seem worthy of getting help

 

When asking senior leaders to review my book I was fearful of rejection and being seen as needy. I knew I couldn’t write my own reviews or endorsements (obviously), so I wasn’t worried about being thought of as incompetent.

The bottom-line of what stops people from asking for help is vulnerability – being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, at work it’s about being thought less of. Vulnerability and courage are two sides of the same coin. As researcher, Brené Brown, shared in her book, Dare to Lead, firefighters are some of the most courageous people, running into danger, putting their lives at risk which also demonstrates they are vulnerable – to death, injury, risking others’ lives.

The Leadership Benefits of Asking for Help

Beyond the obvious benefit of getting the work done to the best standard possible as you’ve gotten help from someone, there are many other leadership benefits to asking for help such as:

1. Role model the importance of collaborating with others. When a leader asks for help it sets the tone for what’s accepted in the group, and demonstrates that collaborating, getting others involved is acceptable and desired.

2. Enrol others in your ideas and solutions. One of my coaching clients always did things on her own, to her own detriment at times, to appear strong, capable, able to handle anything single-handedly. She got feedback from people that she was closed minded when in reality she loved input from others. She started asking for help to solicit the input she loved, and a side benefit was that she engaged others. It’s worked brilliantly, she’s found people more engage in the projects earlier, gotten better solutions with their input, not only making it better for the business outcome but also easier and more enjoyable for her.

3. Allow people to play to or use their strengths. Not everyone can be good at everything, and ideally your organization has a diversity of skills, talents and abilities. Asking for help allows people to use their strengths not only for their work but to help others’ work. Imagine if everyone in your organization was leveraging their strengths? Happier people and better results.

4. Makes us mentally stronger. When we practice a skill, we get better at it. Asking for help is no exception. It gets us out of our heads to some degree thereby sharing the burden and lightening our load, both in terms of completing the task but also emotionally. This sharing makes us more resilient and saves energy for when we are required to deliver individually.

How to Ask for Help

Sometimes the very expression “asking for help” makes people cringe at the thought of saying it. If it does make you cringe, and we were in a 1:1 coaching relationship, I’d be tempted to probe what caused that reaction in you or how you could say those words in a way (tone, attitude, come from place) with which you could be comfortable (if that was of interest) and I digress.

There are ways to achieve the same end (better results with less personal angst) such as:

1. Have people ‘volunteer’ their strengths. Have your team members share what they are good at and what types of things they could help others with. Having people publicly share their strengths, offering them up to others creates a shared understanding of who can help with what. It opens the door to be of service to another.

2. Ask in a way that feels right for you. There’s lots of ways to ask for help. Can I get your input? What would you suggest about…? Can I bounce something off you? Would you have time to collaborate on…? Can I pick your brain? I’d like an outside perspective please on…

3. Create a buddy system. Rather than asking for help being a one-way exchange, create a give-and-take with another person. Find someone inside or outside your organization who is complimentary to you and create a buddy system for giving each other help. This can work for both intellectual and emotional help.

4. Get clear on what help you need if possible. Identify what the obstacle or problem is that you’re struggling with and therefore what you’d want help with. Sometimes identifying the problem is what you need help with – and that’s good to know when approaching someone so you can articulate “I’d like your assistance identifying a block I’ve encountered in this project.”

5. Get a mentor. Be a mentor. Mentors are people senior to you, outside of your reporting line, even outside your organization, that provide training or advice about career progression and professional development. I’ve done training sessions for formal mentoring programs and the mentors were all volunteers and thrilled/honoured to be involved. They also said the relationships ended up being reciprocal – they learned from their mentees and sometimes asked them for help (on using social media for example).

6. Be genuine. Ask for help when you need it or when it would benefit the project, don’t use it as a ploy to engage people or shirk your responsibilities. People can sense when you’re passing the buck or going to the trough too many times needlessly so make it a win-win – everyone feeling good about their involvement.

In summary, organizations are simply systems of interconnected people designed to achieve a goal, purpose or specific outcomes. Everyone in an organization is dependent on someone for something – payroll to pay you, IT to provide support, manufacturing to produce the product for the customer. Your need for help is no different, how can you engage with others, by asking for help when needed, for better results?

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here for support in further developing your leadership. Where would asking for help make you more effective?

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Normally you’re self-motivated, that’s one of the reasons you’ve been so successful. What I’m hearing from many coaching clients is that the unrelenting sameness of the situation and the ever-changing playing field are leading them to feelings they’ve rarely experienced – lacking the BIG spark they usually have with which they ignite others. Feeling demotivated, weary or lacking your usual drive might be new for you.

To want or need to motivate yourself is not selfish. It’s akin to dawning your oxygen mask in a plane before assisting anyone else in putting their mask on (remember when we used to go on planes?). You can’t give what you don’t have. And in some ways, that’s why people are feeling fatigued – they’ve given more to others than they’ve muster in themselves.

Motivating yourself is part of EI or Emotional intelligence. It’s about managing your own emotions in an appropriate way for the situation. It’s also about navigating interpersonal relationships in the best interests of all the people involved and the organisational needs.

What is Resilience?

Firstly, this might be more about resilience than motivation. Resilience is the ability to handle adversity and bounce back after hardship. The problem now is that this hardship has been extreme, broad reaching and prolonged. So, there might be things to do with resilience that also will aid your motivation.

These might seem basic and many people struggle with these healthy practices. Try and be intentional to have these in your life now.

Look after your physical health.

• Get a minimum of 7 hours of good-quality sleep a night. That means turning off screens and devices about 1 hour before bedtime (to clear the blue light from your system). Sleep experts advise not to have devices in your bedroom.

• Eat a healthy diet. Drink 1.5-2L of water per day. Minimize or eliminate caffeine especially in the afternoon. Eat lots of varied foods, especially vegetables, pulses and fruits and less processed food. I suggest less sugar, alcohol and simple carbs as they have little nutrition and might trigger repetitive indulgences.

• Exercise. Move especially when working from home. Get both cardio and strength exercise regularly.

• Be in nature. There are physical and mental benefits of being outside, fresh air at a minimum and hopefully, among trees, grass, flowers if possible.

Have a support system and collaborate – personally and professionally.

• I’m working with a colleague and friend on group leadership development programmes and this has led to better ideas, creativity, more enjoyment, new business and companionship through a solitary time.

• I have a group of close friends, three of whom I meet with monthly on video. Last night we supported one friend on a dilemma she was having; we listened, asked questions, reflected back what we heard and sensed, shared the impact on us individually, asked what she needed, said we were here. These are ways of sharing burdens, feeling connected, being supported and being able to support another.

• I have an accountability partner that I work with to declare my actions around things I’m procrastinating on and she does the same with me. Sometimes those things are the same and sometimes different. That shared space helps.

• Get mental health support as appropriate. There is no shame is getting professional support as you would a personal trainer at the gym for your fitness or a dentist for your oral care.

By following the basics you’ll have a better chance of being resilient and motivated.

How to Motivate Yourself at Work

These ideas can be implemented immediately, there’s no prework or extra equipment needed to start on these.

Use the Pomodoro technique. It’s a time management technique of using a timer, often set for 25 minutes, to work and then a short break. Even just start with working 5 minutes on something important (not scanning emails). Commit to do only 5 minutes on a task and often you’ll end up working on it longer.

Get up and move around. Movement creates motion, take a short break and walk around to shake off the cobwebs. If you can go outside into fresh air for that short walk, do it. Stand up straight, head held high, open your chest with slow large in breaths. Movement changes your body physiology and your psychology.

Focus on feelings, not trying to persevere through will power alone. We are usually more productive when we are feeling positive feelings. What are some of the wins you’ve had lately that you can celebrate (no matter how tiny they are)? Focus on the contribution you’ve made, the progress that’s already got you to where you are (even if it’s just that you’ve now identified there is a problem). Fuel these feelings of accomplishment to move forward.

Why do you do what you do? Reflect on what value you add and what benefit you bring to others with the work that needs doing. What are the personal and professional reasons that you do your job? What difference do you make in someone’s life (customer, employee, family, etc)?

Reward yourself for making small steps. Research tells us that rewards are responsible for 75% of why we do things (punishment for the other 25%). That reward could be a coffee, a walk, a break, a huge congrats from a friend for your efforts. A Time article even suggested giving a friend $100 and if you complete what you said you would on time you got the money back!

Finish each day with a list of 2-3 priority things for the next day. This allows you to hit the ground running the next morning. By knowing the next step of a project or task you can get tucked in immediately, not have to retrace your steps to figure out what to do next.

Advanced Ways to Motivate Yourself

These ideas are more advanced because they take a bit more time and reflection to put into practice.

What’s the need behind the demotivation? Behind every “negative” emotion there is a need because it’s the unfulfilled need that is causing the “negative” feeling. When you’re frustrated because a colleague has missed a deadline, the need is probably for people to do what they say when they said they do it. Is the demotivation stemming from tired, afraid, overwhelmed, confused, angry? Address the underlying need.

Have a vision. Building on the idea above about why you do what you do; have a vision of success for yourself and your work. What’s your purpose at work? In life? Knowing the bigger reasons will help you get things done when you encounter smaller obstacles. My guess is that the covid-vaccine scientists were totally motivated to help people live and get back to a more normal life.

Get Positive. Research shows that being happy increases productivity and contributes to greater success. To nurture positivity, you have to notice it, create it if necessary and feel it. Everyday write down at least 3 things about yourself, your work and your life that are positive. Ruminate in those positive feelings. Feel them. At first you might have to really think hard about what those things are. Over time the daily practice will have you notice those positive events the moment they happen.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you and help you raise your game. We know that we become like the people with whom we hang out, that’s why parents are often concerned who their kids have as friends. If you work with people that are committed, motivated and inspiring you can tap into their energy.

Get a partner. Find someone with a similar blockage and support each other to move towards success. I’m doing this now around new business development. I have 2 vacancies in my coaching practice, as does a colleague so we’re supporting each other weekly to fill these. Just as you are more liking to go for a run if you are meeting a friend on the street corner than if you were on your own, partner with someone for the tasks you struggle to complete.

In addition to all the above ideas of how to improve your motivation, the other thing is to be kind to yourself. As is said, this is an unprecedented time and it continues. Motivation, productivity, and mood will ebb and flow in this situation. Be kind, patient and compassionate to yourself and others. Compassion is proven to get your further than harshly driving yourself based on research by Kristin Neff.

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here for support in motivating yourself and others to inspire and lead in the way you want? What would make you more effective?

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This week sees the start of the Christian time of Lent. Of note, this isn’t a religious post. It’s a post about being more effective as a leader and/or person.

What is Lent?

Lent is the 6 weeks leading up to Easter. Lent is observed in many ways depending on someone’s personal beliefs/convictions. Some people give up a luxury/treat item like alcohol, chocolate, meat etc. More traditional observers might follow stricter fasting of giving up meat, fish, eggs and fats. That’s why Shrove Tuesday, the day before Lent starts, is celebrated with as Pancake Tuesday – pancakes use up eggs and fats you might have before abstaining.

What to Give Up?

For those who don’t follow the Christian observances, Lent still offers an opportunity of how to be effective, for you to give something up that would help you be more effective.

To get feedback on your performance, one question I suggest in my book, Soft Skills HARD RESULTS, is: What should I stop doing? Often, we get in our own way. This question will invite people to tell you things you are doing that don’t serve you well. As an aside, it’s partnered with two other questions to round out the feedback you get:

What should I start doing?
What should I stop doing?
What should I continue doing?

To declutter your home, I’m giving up an “item” a day for the 40 days of Lent. Each day I will find something in my home that can be thrown out, donated to charity, re-gifted to someone who would love that item. It’s easy to do – when you open a drawer or closet each day just identify something that can go. For me decluttering makes me feel lighter and more spacious. Not sure I’ll go into my wardrobe this time though, as there are many pieces I haven’t worn in almost a year with the various lockdowns.

To clear your head, what are the repetitive thoughts you have that disempower you? Identify the reoccurring thoughts you have about yourself. We all have internal scripts that run underneath the surface that we don’t even realize how often we talk to ourselves. Notice what you say to yourself when something happens, especially things that are disappointing or frustrating. For example, I don’t have time. I’m stressed. I have too much to do. I screwed that up. I’m not good enough. Notice what your self-critical thoughts are and then reframe them. For instance “I don’t have time” becomes “I choose how I spend my time.”

To change a bad habit don’t stop it, change it. It’s hard to stop a bad habit so can be easier to change the habit rather than trying to abolish it. Instead of giving up drinking, substitute a sparkling water in a crystal glass with a slice of lime instead of alcohol. If you bite or pick your nails, chew on a toothpick instead.

The Challenge

What could you give up that would improve your effectiveness as a person or leader?

Don’t jump over that question – answer it. This is your chance to let go of something that’s holding you back. This will improve your leadership and potentially your daily life. Sometimes it’s even easier to let something go then to start something entirely new.

The 40 days of Lent gives you the chance to reboot your initiative each day for 40 days. Even if you “fail” one day, you have the next day to try again. Be kind to yourself depending of what you are giving up.

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here to help you identify what you could give up that’s holding you back. What would make you more effective?

 

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There’s a common opinion that business is just about the facts, being rational and that it’s not personal. And we’ve all seen the following at work whether in others or ourselves:

• Disappointment about a project or promotion not coming to fruition,
• Stress about an impending deadline,
• Frustration about someone ‘s delay in getting you information you need,
• Excitement about a project about to launch, and
• Tears/crying.

So, emotions are present at work!

Emotional Intelligence at Work

Success at work requires intelligence – both intellectual and emotional. As people advance in their organizations, their role and success are more about how they motivate, inspire and collaborate with other people and less about “doing the work.” For example, a CFO’s success is not how well they complete a spreadsheet, it’s rather how well they lead their teams, influence other stakeholders and co-pilot with the other leaders.

Emotions as Data

Emotions are data. Just as sales, staff turnover, and market research are all data. The data needs to be analysed to become information that you can then action. Say your company is below the sales target this month. You analyse the data to determine what’s causing the low sales number until you identify the root cause, so you can find the appropriate solution and act on it.

And emotions are the same. They tell you something. The emotions we think of as “positive” are emotions we feel when our needs are being met. The emotions we think of as “negative” are emotions we feel when our needs are not being met. Same for other people. When someone is engaged and attentive, a need of theirs is being met (they are intellectually stimulated, hopeful about an idea, or being valued for example). When someone is frustrated, a need of there is not being met (they are not getting the answer they want, or fast enough for example).

Emotions at Work

According to research¹ by Cynthia D. Fisher at the School of Business, Bond University the most common negative emotions experienced in the workplace are:

•  Frustration/irritation
•  Worry/nervousness
•  Anger/aggravation
•  Dislike (of someone)
•  Disappointment/unhappiness

It’s these “negative” emotions that are perceived as more problematic at work so that will be the focus of this article, how to manage those emotions.

Managing Your Emotions

Managing your emotions at work is critical for your success as it allows you to have the impact you want to have.

1. Notice and name the emotion you are feeling. State (internally or externally) “I feel …” This allows you to accept the emotion rather than avoid it. Avoiding the emotion will have it linger longer. Try to notice your emotions as early as possible, before you are blind- sided by them.

2. Allow yourself to feel the emotion in your body. Again, this is counter-intuitive, and it will diffuse the emotion, for example you’ll feel a shirt and a sense of calm will arrive.

3. Ask what the need is behind the emotion. Ask what is the message in this emotion? Once you’ve identified the need you can then find a productive solution to satisfy the need. Often it can be as simple as asking for what you need (from yourself or another) with the emotional language removed as you don’t feel it anymore.

4. Discover your triggers. We are often ‘triggered’ by other people. When we’re triggered it’s rarely that person that is bothering us, it’s usually something about them that reminds you of a previous experience. Notice the people or their characteristics that bother you. Write them down.

5. Express your emotions in an appropriate way. Saying you are angry or upset by someone in a calm voice is okay, yelling or belittling someone is not okay. Focus on your feelings rather than assuming their intentions.

More ideas can be found here.

How to Manage Others

I believe a big part of a leader’s role is to help people feel good at work, have “positive” emotions about their work, their contribution and the organization. Here are some ways of dealing with “negative” emotions before building positive ones.

1. Notice people’s emotions. In school we are taught language and numerical literacy, start to learn emotional literacy so you can notice emotions and ‘name’ them (even if just to yourself initially). Here’s a link to a previous blog on Myths about Emotions. Being able to name something helps to start to understand it. Saying to someone “you seem frustrated” can make people feel seen and saying it in that way says you don’t know or assume, you sense.

2. Ask people how they feel then go deeper to find the unmet need. Don’t accept fine, great, ok – those aren’t emotions. Asking and really listening to understand means people don’t lose time or energy ‘stewing’. Ask them what they need to find out what’s behind the emotion. Once you (and they) know the need behind it, both of you can determine how to satisfy that if appropriate. Do this in private for psychological safety.

3. Acknowledge someone’s emotion. You can’t change their emotions; you aren’t responsible for making the emotion go away. Just as was recommended to you above in managing your own emotions, allow them to feel their emotions so it can dissipate, and they can move on faster rather than let it fester. Get comfortable with the discomfort, you’ll build loyalty and help them move forward faster. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

4. Encourage and support your staff to build up their emotional resilience. Provide programmes promoting physical and psychological wellbeing if possible. Encourage healthy eating, sleep, exercise, proper breaks during the workday, connecting with friends and family, going out in nature and talking about thoughts and feelings.

5. Give space. If things are heated or someone is consumed by their emotion, suggest a break or pause. Allow them to compose themselves or have them go out for a walk. Come back to the discussion when they are able. Talk to them about possible positive intentions of those involved and focus on solutions not judgements and accusations.

In summary, emotions are nothing to fear. In fact, you want to encourage emotions in a respectful way so that people don’t waste time worrying or being angry or frustrated. Freeing people of their “negative” emotions allows them to focus their emotional energy on more productivity. When dealing with the negative emotions you can then ask what’s needed for them to feel inspired, engaged and loyal?

Book a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session with me here for support in how to handle or manage emotions at work? What would make you more effective?

¹ “Emotions at Work: What Do People Feel and How Should we Measure it?” by Cynthia D. Fisher. School of Business Discussion Paper; No. 63, February 1997. © Copyright Cynthia D. Fisher and the School of Business, Bond University.

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