Are you someone that’s cried or wanted to cry at work?
Ever seen someone shout at work? Or maybe it was you?
You’re not alone.
I’ve had someone cry in my office. I’ve been on the edge of crying in someone else’s office. And I’ve been on the receiving end of shouting at work.
These moments aren’t rare – however, how we respond to them is what shapes trust, workplace culture, and leadership credibility.
The Story
The UK chancellor of the exchequer, Rachel Reeves, cried on the front bench of the House of Commons.
A woman cried at work.
That evening, the visual was plastered on TV news reports and social media. The next day it was on the front page of pretty much every UK newspaper.
A human expressed emotion.
And that became headline news.
The story wasn’t about the Prime Minister’s speech at the dispatch box, it wasn’t about issues in Parliament, it wasn’t about concerns of constituents. The story was: a woman cried at work.
And here’s the reality: women – and men – do show emotion at work. And how we interpret it is deeply shaped by biology, culture, and workplace norms.
The Science – Biology
Men have more testosterone than women, which is linked to fewer emotional tears. The more testosterone, the less likely emotional tears will come.
Testosterone can dampen emotional expression overall, especially those linked with vulnerability. In puberty, boys’ frequency of crying decreases noticeably due to rising testosterone levels.
Men often express emotion differently. Testosterone can amplify dominance-related responses — like shouting or fist-shaking — in the face of perceived threats or frustrations.
The stress hormone cortisol interacts differently in men, often pushing toward action or suppression rather than tearful release.
Conversely, hormones found more in women, such as estrogen and prolactin, are linked to increased sensitivity and tear production. Under stress, women are more likely to engage the “tend-and-befriend” response (oxytocin-driven) rather than the “fight-or-flight” response.
Women’s brains also tend to have stronger connections between emotion-processing and language areas, making it easier to verbalize and express feelings — crying included.
The Science – Societal
Men and women are raised differently and face different expectations based on gender roles.
Men are often socialized to suppress sadness or anxiety and default to anger or stoicism. “Big boys don’t cry” is still part of the cultural script.
Women are often socialized to avoid showing anger, to manage others’ feelings, and to smooth over conflict.
The result? Many women feel more permission to cry, and less permission to show other powerful emotions like anger — while men experience the reverse.
The Science – Workplace Culture
Many workplaces reward control, competition, and emotional suppression — traits that align with male biology and socialization.
Women, meanwhile, are expected to manage relationships and absorb emotional stress, which can lead to more emotional exhaustion and tearfulness.
Women face a double standard:
• Expected to be warm and emotionally intelligent and composed under stress.
• Crying can be seen as weakness, but not showing empathy can be seen as coldness.
• That leaves women operating inside a narrow, contradictory “emotional window” where almost any response risks judgment.
The Stats
USA: Nearly 21% of men and 49% of women report crying at work.
UK (YouGov survey):
• 34% of men said they didn’t cry at all in the past year.
• Only 7% of women said the same.
• 18% of women cried at least once a week versus 4% of men.
In general, adult women in Western countries cry 2–4 times more often than men.
So What?
Many managers say they don’t want emotions at work.
A president I spoke with this week told me: “I don’t want people to be emotional.”
After our conversation, she realised she was mistaken.
She wanted confidence, engagement, excitement, courage, optimism, calm — and more.
She, like most people, didn’t want to deal with tears, shouting, or defensiveness.
And here’s the truth: those aren’t emotions – they’re reactions. The emotions underneath are things like hurt, frustration, disappointment, shock, and grief.
When you deal with the underlying emotion, you solve the real problem. That starts with curiosity: “What’s going on for you?” asked warmly and without judgment.
Emotions are information. Data. An insight into someone’s inner experience.
“Negative” emotions signal that a need isn’t being met. “Positive” emotions signal that a need is being met. This is from great work by Marshall Rosenberg and Non-Violent Communication.
Directions: How to Handle Emotions at Work – Yours and Others
For clarity, this is for dealing with the “difficult” emotions, it can be used for “positive” ones as well for increased learning and satisfaction.
Step 1 – Notice Before You React
Pause for three slow breaths to create space between trigger and response.
Step 2 – Name the Emotion
Privately or aloud (if appropriate), label what you’re feeling (“I’m anxious”). Naming it reduces intensity.
Step 3 – Identify the Underlying Need
What is the need that you have that isn’t being met in the case of “negative” emotions? (“I’m anxious about the missed deadline?”)
Step 4 – Check the Story
Ask: “Am I reacting to facts or my assumptions?” Often, it’s assumptions. Our brains make up ‘stories’ to find meaning, to make sense of a situation.
Step 5 – Respond with Curiosity
If it’s someone else, acknowledge first (“I can sense this is frustrating for you, is it?”), then get curious (“What’s going on for you?” “What’s contributing to your frustration?”) before problem-solving.
Step 6 – Separate Emotion from Behaviour
Validate feelings without condoning harmful actions. Maintain steady tone and posture. Breathe. Hold the perspective of wanting to help the person be their best selves. Hold positive intention when warranted. Few people set out to be “difficult.”
Step 7 – Use the Energy
Channel frustration into action, sadness into empathy, excitement into momentum.
Leader’s Quick Checklist:
✅ Did I pause before reacting?
✅ Did I acknowledge the feeling without judgment?
✅ Did I move the conversation toward solutions?
💬 Reflection for Leaders: When was the last time you transformed an emotional moment at work into a breakthrough?
Share your story – your example might be the one someone else needs to hear today.
