Wish you team took more initiative and came with solutions?
Ever see a colleague react out of apparent proportion in a meeting?
Are you overworked despite good time management?
Leaders, it’s time to step out of the triangle and into transformational leadership
The Invisible Trap: The Drama Triangle at Work
As a leader, have you ever felt stuck in a loop of conflict, firefighting, or rescuing your team? Maybe you’ve felt like you’re constantly solving other people’s problems, feeling blamed when things go wrong, or watching dysfunction unfold in meetings despite your best efforts.
Welcome to the Karpman Drama Triangle – a psychological model that shows up in professional life more than we’d care to admit. Developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman in the late 1960s, it outlines three roles that people unconsciously step into during conflict:
• Victim – “This is happening to me.”
• Rescuer – “Let me fix this for you.”
• Persecutor – “This is your fault.”
This triangle can become an emotional and behavioural trap in teams and organizations. It drains energy, breeds resentment, and stops real progress. However, once you see it, you can step out of it – and lead your team out, too.
Spotting the Triangle in Action
The Drama Triangle thrives in subtle ways. You don’t need a shouting match or an obvious breakdown for it to be at play. Here’s how each role can show up at work:
1. The Victim (Powerless and Helpless)
• Believes things are being done to them
• Avoids responsibility or decision-making
• Uses language like “I can’t”, “It’s not fair”, “No one listens to me”
• May seem disengaged or chronically overwhelmed
2. The Rescuer (Well-Intentioned yet Enabling)
• Constantly jumps in to help others
• Feels needed when solving other people’s problems (might be unconscious)
• Avoids conflict, wants to be liked
• May feel secretly resentful from over-giving
3. The Persecutor (Critical and Controlling)
• Points fingers, criticizes without curiosity
• Uses blame or sarcasm to exert control
• Often believes they’re “just being honest”
• Can feel righteous or frustrated when things go wrong
These roles can be fluid. In fact, we often shift from one to the other within a single conversation:
• A Rescuer who doesn’t get appreciation can become a Victim.
• A Victim who’s fed up may become a Persecutor.
• A Persecutor might try to redeem themselves by over-helping, turning into a Rescuer.
These roles don’t show up as overt and volatile behaviours. They can be as subtle as a victim going quiet, a persecutor being passive-aggressive, a rescuer dismissing someone’s behaviour as “they have a lot on.”
Why Leaders Fall into the Triangle
Let’s be honest: leadership is pressure. People look to you for answers, emotional steadiness, and solutions – often without pause. That pressure can trigger unhelpful patterns:
• You see someone struggling and jump in to save the day (Rescuer).
• You get frustrated and criticize without checking the full picture (Persecutor).
• You feel unsupported by your peers or boss and begin to disengage (Victim).
These responses are often automatic—and well-intentioned. And they keep everyone stuck.
I worked with a co-founder of a tech company on his leadership, presence and gravitas. After understanding the Karpman triangle, he realized he slipped into victim. And when he went to leadership meetings he noticed the other co-founder behaved as persecutor and the HR person acted as rescuer. He said he almost laughed at the behaviour being so stereotypic of the drama triangle. Once seeing it, he was aware of the dynamic going on.
The Way Out: The Empowerment Triangle
The antidote to the Drama Triangle is the Empowerment (or Winner’s) Triangle, developed by David Emerald. It reframes each role into a healthier, more empowered version:
Drama Role Empowerment Role Mindset Shift
Victim Creator “I have choices. I can act.”
Rescuer Coach “You can do this. I’ll support you.”
Persecutor Challenger “Here’s what’s not working. Let’s fix it.”
This triangle is not about being perfect – it’s about shifting your intention and your stance.
Using the Empowerment Triangle to Lead Better
1. From Rescuer to Coach
Instead of solving the problem for someone, support them in solving it themselves.
How to coach instead of rescue:
• Ask: “What have you tried so far?”
• Ask: “What’s the outcome you want?”
• Say: “I believe you can handle this. What support would be helpful?”
You empower others when you stop doing and start developing.
2. From Victim to Creator
As a leader, model ownership—even when circumstances aren’t ideal.
How to step into Creator mode:
• Shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I do now?”
• Focus on outcomes, not obstacles
• Encourage experimentation and learning, even from failure
3. From Persecutor to Challenger
You can still give direct feedback—but with curiosity and care, not blame.
How to challenge with compassion:
• Say: “Here’s what I observed. What’s your view?”
• Focus on the issue, not the person
• Offer challenge in service of growth
Armed with the winner’s triangle, my co-founder client shifted his perspective from what happened to -> given where we are now, what needs to happen? A subtle shirt and he noticed it shifted his co-founder and HR Director – just by this behaviour.
Team Dynamics: Moving the Whole Group Forward
Drama isn’t just individual – it’s systemic. In teams, these roles can become cultural norms. One person always “fixes” things. Another always complains. Another dominates discussions.
As a leader, you set the tone.
Ways to shift the team:
• Model the Empowerment Triangle in meetings
• Create a norm of asking, “What do you think we should do?”
• Acknowledge patterns: “We seem to be stuck in blame mode – how can we shift to problem-solving?”
• Encourage direct communication and responsibility
What This Looks Like in Practice
Let’s take a common scenario:
Your team misses a deadline. You feel frustrated. You know people are pointing fingers. You want to jump in and fix the mess.
Drama Triangle version:
• You say: “I’ll just handle this myself.” (Rescuer)
• You think: “Why does no one take accountability?” (Persecutor)
• Your team feels: Helpless or defensive (Victims)
Empowerment Triangle version:
• You say: “Let’s talk through what happened and what we’ll do differently next time.” (Challenger)
• You ask: “What are the key obstacles you experienced? What’s in your control?” (Coach)
• Your team thinks: “We’re trusted to figure this out.” (Creators)
Your Leadership Toolkit: Questions to Shift the Dynamic
Whenever you feel yourself pulled into the Drama Triangle, use these questions to pivot:
• From Rescuer to Coach:
“What support do you need from me to move forward?”
• From Victim to Creator:
“What options do you see?”
“What’s the first step you can take?”
• From Persecutor to Challenger:
“What outcome are we aiming for?”
“What’s the impact of what’s happening, and what needs to change?”
Call to Action: Step Out of the Triangle, Step Into Leadership
Every leader, and human frankly, will step into the Drama Triangle at some point. The question is: how quickly can you notice it – and pivot? Be self-aware and manage your response to have the impact you want to have.
Leading with clarity, compassion, and boundaries is not soft. It’s strong. And it gets results.
Start today:
• Pick one drama habit you notice in yourself.
• Try using a question from the Empowerment Triangle next time it shows up.
• Reflect with your team on where drama shows up – and how you can shift the culture together.
Because when you change the conversation, you change the results.
