Leadership and Self-Deception by Arbinger Institute – Read it!

Forget this book review. It can’t do it justice. Read the book, please.

It’s reasonably short (168 pages), easy to read and can change your work and personal life. And it’s so hard to explain in a snap shot but here goes:

  • People don’t see that they have an issue towards another person/group of people (this is the self-deception part)
  • We respond to how people feel about us, not how they are towards us
  • Your ability to use people skills won’t determine your effectiveness working with other people, how you feel towards someone is the primary determiner of your effectiveness
  • In other words, what you are doing/your behaviours towards another person can be less effective than how you are being towards them
  • You can behave either with a ‘heart at peace’ or a ‘heart at war’
  • Heart at peace means you see people as people, with all their hopes, fears, desires as important as your own
  • Heart at war means you see people as objects, as a means to an end, as vehicles for delivering something

I can’t do this book justice – it’s told in a story format that so brilliantly conveys the ideas.

In summary, notice when you judge others or justify yourself against others and remember the key to strong human relationships is to see other people (family, staff or strangers) as human beings of value regardless of their failings (just as you’d hope others see you!).

What do you notice about how you view those with whom you interact? Especially those people you find difficult or challenging?